Being With
The other day, my yoga teacher said something that really struck me about a pose I don't particularly love (pigeon pose).
He said: This pose is simply about presence.
I was a little surprised.
So I didn't need to do anything fancy or special? I didn't even need to do it particularly well?
As if he had read my doubts, he repeated this intriguing line:
This pose is simply about presence.
OK, I thought. So I am going to try simply BEING WITH myself in the pose.
This enabled me to relax into it, to allow it to happen.
To notice the thoughts like:
Am I doing this right?
When will this end?
What's for lunch?
And to simply smile at them, without getting all caught up in them.
I stayed with the discomfort.
As we opened each side of the hip, I silently told my body:
Hello, Left Hip. I'm here with you. Hello Right Hip. I'm here with you, too.
And it made me think that it's the same in human relationships.
When we talk to someone, we try to find something witty or smart to say. We try doing relationships 'right'. We try to please people or give a certain image of ourselves. We want to make sure we aren't boring or that we're helpful or smart or whatever else feels important to us in the relationship. If they share a problem with us, we think we have to find a solution for them.
We are so caught up in doing relationships right, we forget the most important ingredient: Presence.
What if we could simply BE WITH the other person, really listen to what they are saying, pay attention in the moment, become really curious about their experience?
If they share something difficult with us, what if we could simply be with their emotions without needing to make them feel better?
What if we could simply let them know - through our words and our presence - I am right here with you. I can be here with your pain without taking it on as my own. Without needing to fix it or fix you or fix the situation?
Without needing to help you find solution.
Because a lot of human problems don't actually have solutions - or even need solutions.
Sometimes all they need is someone's presence.
Someone to hold a space for them.
To be there with them. To hold their hand. To hug them.
This pose is simply about presence.
Relationships are simply about presence.
BEING WITH.
“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through. - Parker J. Palmer”